Shannon Thornton, M.A., LPC, ADHD-CCSP
Certified Clincal Services Provider by the Institute of ADHD Professionals
|Posted on April 12, 2019 at 4:25 PM|
Would this shirt look great on your kiddo? Do you hear Frank Sinatra in your head singing, "I Did It My..... Way"?
Then this might help.
You want to know all about her day at school. You and your spouse ask lots of questions when she comes home because you've missed her and you want to make sure she is happy. You're trying to stay one step ahead of drama, so you figure engaging in conversation regularly is a good thing.
Guess what? She feels smothered when y’all ask her about details of her day. My kids are the same way. Teenagers are pulling away and need more space. If we keep asking “did u do anything wrong/get tempted to do abc” too much, it pushes them away. Try letting them come to you a little more and see what happens. It’s hard but it has worked for me.
You're trying to come up with a list of expectations so you stop arguing about every single task at hand. Somehow, your child can twist and turn things and you never get anything resolved. So you each make a list of what the expectations should be of the kids in the house. Your list is logical. His list makes you think he doesn't want any responsibility and all he wants is freedom. You want to blow your top. He doesn't understand you!
The lists y’all made- he viewed it as a perfect world/wish list activity, knowing full well most things wouldn’t happen. He was looking for conversation to open up dialogue and compromise. His brain does better with logical explanation than hard and fast regulations.
All she wants is junk food!!!
Only have in the house what you’re ok with her eating. Her brain craves carbs and sugar bc of the ADHD. Cereal and fruit or maybe yogurt/protein shake wb good in the morning. Again we r looking for compromise. These kids are so bent on their way that it is hard. The more we insist on our way, the worse it gets.
The same goes with make up, clothes, hair, etc...THE ANSWER IS COMPROMISE
We always argue about homework and chores
Grades and chores- worst arguments in every house. Best way to handle this is to give her open expectation. Ex: if she is making good grades, it doesn’t matter what her process is as much as the goal of good grades. If doing it at school or finishing a project the night before works for her, I’d let her do it. It will make u crazy bc u (and I !!!) would be freaking out doing life how she does it. But her brain is not like ours. Chores are the same. Try telling her she needs to have abc done by a certain time of day. She will want the freedom to do it when she wants to as long as it is done by the time u set. Dishes sb done right after the meal of course but other things that dont have as much a timeline can be more flexible.
Trust me, it is so hard raising a kid w ADHD. I have two. I have learned through experience and years of research that nothing we do will “make” them function “our” way. I had to learn to think bigger picture. My goal was for them to make good grades, know how to take care of themselves, be great people. They do better with flexibility and clear, consistent and communicated expectation. That also includes what happens if they are unable to accomplish our expectation too. Takes lots of patience, prayer, and communication. And creates gray hair lol!!